Writing Prompt Challenge Day 1: START

A few weeks ago I participated in a writing prompt challenge on instagram hosted by Hope*Writers
I am proud of myself for completing all 10 writing prompts and I thought it would be fun to share them here! So here is day 1...

Sculpture in photo by Francisco Zúñiga

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. ~Zig Ziglar
S T A R T
I spent an embarrassing amount of time brainstorming a caption for this first writing prompt.
Out of 3 pages of non cohesive ideas, the quote above is what I’m going on. (I really need to streamline my process or there is no way I can keep this up for 10 days!) I wanted this first post to be great, but I just don’t feel that it is. I considered not participating, but instead brought my struggle before God. He asked me: “do you want to do it?” And I said “yes.” So here I am. God gave me a desire not only to write, but to write about Him. It is said that a journey starts with a single step. As I embark on this mission to find my own voice through God’s voice, I can’t help but compare myself to Bilbo Baggins; a small person who is in way over their head! How great is it, though, that I have a God who has thoughts way higher than my thoughts. He has gone before me and already knows the road ahead. I hope he smiles on me, and perhaps occasionally giggles and shakes his head as I go about my journey, the way I did when I first read of Bilbo and his adventure. Here I start: not great, but with a heart that is full of hope and yearning to share words that are brave, honest and life giving!

Barbie

Teach Me to Number My Days

I am a worrier. At any given moment I am going around in circles in my mind thinking over the things I have said and done and how they are perceived by others, constantly. Not only recent things, but things from months, or even years ago. I am a people-pleaser. I care a lot about what people think of me and I am bothered by the times I have let people down or disappointed them, or came across as awkward or stupid.

Twice this past week God has pointed out to me, that I care more about pleasing others than I do about pleasing him. The first time came right after I had been in one of those downward spirals. I was listening to a podcast on my way to work. I had thought about turning it off and listing to music, but something kept me listening. Then, right as I pulled into the parking lot, I heard it: "If you feel this bad about unintentionally letting someone down, but not when you let me down, then who are you living for?" 

Boom. Convicted.

"Okay God." I said. "I get it, I'll try to stop fretting over things I cannot change. I'm sorry."

A few days later I was listening to another podcast and the same theme of people pleasing came up again. Whenever I notice reoccurring themes, I pay attention. I acknowledged it and tucked it away for later...

I was praying over cancer this morning. I prayed for God to put an end to it. I prayed for God to miraculously heal people from it. I prayed for God to use it for His glory. As I prayed about cancer, I thought to myself about what I would do if I knew I was dying. I imagined that I would abandon all worries of what other people think and be relentless in sharing about Jesus.

then...

LIGHTBULB.

I realized immediately why God spoke to me about people pleasing: It would take me knowing that I am dying to be all out for Jesus? Right now I care more about what people might or might not think about me than I care about sharing the love of Jesus.

BOOM. CONVICTED.

Earth to Barbie: I am already dying! I am slowly dying a little with each passing second. I am going to die someday, and I could die at any moment. Why am I waiting for a diagnosis to kick things into motion? The bible says this:

Psalm 90:12

Teach us to number our days,

that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

My days are numbered. And the amazing thing is, that God has numbered them. He knew this moment was going to happen, long before I existed. He knew that I would be listening to podcasts this week. He knew that my uncle was going to have cancer and pass away, causing me to begin praying over cancer. He knew that praying for cancer would cause me think about what I would do if I was dying. He knew that in that moment, he was going to tie it all together.

Psalm 139:1-6

O LORD, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O LORD, you know it completely. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it. 

As much as it pains me to know that people I respect and admire will roll their eyes as I share my faith, it would pain me more for them to never know the love of Christ, and to know that I didn't share it. I want to be like Jesus's disciples, joyfully proclaiming the goodness of God!

Luke 19:37-40

When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:

“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!”

“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”

“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

Grace & Peace,

Come A L I V E

The leaves are beginning to turn color. They are drying up, dying and falling to the ground. Usually at this time each year, I feel a piece of my soul dying with each leaf that hits the ground.  I'm usually singing "Wake Me Up When September Ends" as the pain of change takes place. You see, I love the summer. I feel most alive in the summer. I am more creative and more rested. I have more time to spend with my family and friends as well as out in God's beautiful nature. September, however, means vacation is over. September means, the sun and the flowers are on their way out. Everything goes from alive and green to dry and brown, and then (in Oregon anyway) eventually, wet and gray.

Yet, this September something feels different to me. As things slowly begin to die, I find myself thinking over the word ALIVE. "Hmm," I think to myself, "that's not a normal word for September".
Nevertheless, I write the word down above September in my prayer journal.

As I stare at the word in my journal, the song "Come Alive (Dry Bones)" by Lauren Daigle, keeps playing on repeat in my head. I take it as a cue to search for the phrase in my bible app, and it leads me to Ezekiel 37. I don't recall ever actually having read this passage of the bible before now. If you haven't read it before either, I encourage you do so! To summarize;
The prophet Ezekiel has a vision in which God brings him to a valley filled with vastly old and dry bones and God speaks to him:

3 He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”
4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! 5 This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

If you go on to finish the passage, you will find out that Ezekiel cries out to the dry bones to come alive, and before his eyes and entire army of skeletons turn into flesh. Can you imagine? What an amazing vision.

I no longer feel like a part of me is dying as I head into the fall.
I feel ALIVE.
I am excited for what God will do in the months to come.
Every day is an opportunity to see God at work.
This will be a year of dry bones coming to life.
Starting with me..

Grace & Peace,

Jesus Koolaid, Mean Girls & Word Vomit

This picture has nothing to do with this post, other than that the flower is pink, and "on Wednesday's we wear pink"
It only makes sense if you've seen Mean girls.

For anyone that has read my blog from the beginning (like all 2 of you) you may have noticed that the direction of my blog has changed recently. Well, it has something to do with the whole "Jesus doing something new in me" thing from my last post. In other words, I've drank the Jesus Koolaid and I like it.

For those of you who don't know me, I was raised in a Christian home and I accepted Christ around the age of 7. I've never thought of myself as "lukewarm" Christian, but maybe I was. I have definitely been through hot and cold seasons of my faith and I have been a timid Christian, but I feel like God used motherhood (among other things) in my life to WAKE ME UP. It seems as though this awakening in me happened gradually and all at once at the same time. It's like mean girls--Jesus is Regina George and I'm obsessed with her--I mean Him--and he's not a self absorbed hussy--am I allowed to talk about Jesus and Mean Girls in the same sentence? I don't think so. Father forgive me for trying to be funny with a pop-culture reference (insert laughing emoji, oops I did it again.) 

I recently saw a social media post from one of my favorite Christian writers, Trillia Newbell, in which she shared a conversation she had with faith-based musician and author Michael Card, he said that he "wanted to spend the rest of his life learning about and communicating about Jesus." When I read that I thought to myself, "That's it! That's what I want to do!"

I hope to still share about the things that bring me joy--art, travel, creating, entertaining, home-making, relationships--however, because the thing that brings me the most joy is my relationship with Jesus, all of these things now have His filter over them. I now find myself asking, "how can I bring Jesus into this?" all the time!!

So if you stick around, I hope to present to you interesting content and beautiful images to look at it, but Jesus is where my heart and my attention are! If you read this whole thing, thanks for listening to my unfiltered word vomit!

Grace & Peace,

Breaking out of the Cocoon that is Myself

I while back, I attended a class at my church in which my pastor posed the question:

"Do you have the tendency to 'cocoon' into your 'church' friends?"

At the time, I pridefully answered no. 

Throughout my life, I've struggled to find where I fit in. Even having been raised in the church, I have often felt like I was on the outside looking in.

While I've never turned away from God, I have definitely felt bitter toward the church at my inability to find my niche. I have, however, also been bitter toward my friends outside of the "church" community. I've felt left out, or made to feel different than them. I've always struggled with feeling like there is something about me that is not interesting or fun enough to be apart of someone's "inner circle".

I've been pondering the question lately, and doing some "soul searching" and I had the revelation that the actual answer to this question for me is that I cocoon into MYSELF. I am stingy with my time and I hold back my true self quite often for fear of coming off awkward or stupid. 

As I have begun this journey of cocooning into God, he is working on bringing me out and turning me into a butterfly. 

The more I press into the God, the less I fear, the less anxiety I have, the more bold and creative I feel. I am learning to be my true self, and that true self is someone who is more willing to say "YES!"  and take risks and be more giving of myself. 

Just as a caterpillar becomes new life, a butterfly, Christ longs to do something new in each of us.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

Thank you God for doing new things in me!

Photo credit and inspiration due to my mom, who spent a lovely day with me attending a lavender farm and festival :)

The Thorns in My Side

This past weekend at my church a man down on his luck and high on something came into our church service and shook things up. He talked loud over my pastor's message, was disruptive, acted very strange and caused the other homeless men who attend our church services to cuss him out and then leave part way through the service. 

I was sitting by myself in the back of the church, and this man happened to sit right behind me.

I am an anxiety ridden, fearful, meek, timid, introverted person. 

I am especially afraid of men I do not know who are acting strange and most 

likely under the influence of some sort of substance abuse.

As I heard him speaking out, I refused to look back at him.

If I looked at him he might try to talk to me, he would see me, he would know that I knew he was there. 

I flashed back to a time at another church when a strange man who wandered our town sat right next to me in a church service. He acted strangely too, and I was afraid the whole time. And when it came time to hold hands and pray at the end of the service, 

I moved up a row and left him hanging. Another young man stepped up in between us and held his hand and mine.

I was ashamed.

I was not strong enough to let God conquer my fears and be loving toward this man.

Present day: as our church service progressed, I felt the urge of the spirit call me to pray for the strange man sitting behind me. I felt my heart pumping and when the pastor asked us to take a minute to pray, I stood up and turned around, seeing the man for the first time, I was a little surprised at what he looked like.

I asked him his name and then put my hand on his shoulder and prayed for him.

I prayed that the Spirit would quiet the voices in his head so that he may hear the message God has for him. I prayed over him thinking that the Spirit was going to quiet him and allow us to resume church service as normal.

Well, that did not happen.

But as I sat back down, my adrenaline at it's peak and my heart racing so hard that it literally felt like I was having contractions in my lower back, I realized something.

The Spirit did not quiet him, but the Spirit did something in me: It made me brave.

I was no longer afraid of the man.

I now know his name, and I will be praying for him.

All this to say, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for doing this 

and then a couple of days later...

I ran into someone I really admire as an artist in my local dance community and they asked me if I was still coaching dance team.

Backstory: I was the head coach of a high school dance team for two years, at a pretty big high school with a great athletic program. I could not rally the numbers I needed to have a successful program and after two years of stress and frustration, I resigned. 

I felt like a failure. Something about me was not good enough to make people want to stay and try something new and work for something I LOVED and poured my heart and soul into. 

The question caught me off guard, and I felt awkward and embarrassed as I explained I was no longer coaching.

I know that things didn't work out because God had other plans for me, but my prideful spirit heaped back on the shame for failing at MY plans.

I spent the night thinking about how I had felt so proud over something as small as praying for a stranger (totally not something I should be prideful over) and then an innocent question reminded me of my failure and knocked me off my high horse.

To add to that, Wednesday morning I woke up sensing that God wanted me to fast for the day.

I set out to do it...until breakfast hit and my husband offered me oatmeal and I instantly gave in and thought, 

"I'll try fasting another day."

Today I took a personal day to stay home from work and work on organizing a shelf full of craft stuff and random miscellaneous items that I have been putting off making decisions on so that I could move craft stuff from my linen closet onto that shelf and actually have room for some of my linens in the linen closet. I felt so accomplished when I completed my goal, and then I thought of all the stuff I still have to sort through and make decisions on. Oh and by the way I also spent a lot of my spare time today on social media instead of reading one of the many books I have on my nightstand or getting on the elliptical or going for a walk, and I had to take my son to the babysitter in order to get what I did do done. Cue the mom guilt. I cried after I dropped him off. I know he is safe a cared for there, but I shouldn't be taking him if I have a day off, right? Heat comes to my face and I am physically blushing right now due to shame of all all my sins (this could also be a result of the glass of wine I just had to treat myself for accomplishing my goal today, but I digress...)

Clutter will always be a struggle for me.

Eating healthy and exercising regularly will always be a struggle for me.

Being a good mom will always be a struggle for me.

Pride and selfishness will always be a struggle for me.

Not being afraid will always be a struggle for me.

Thorns in my side.

I am reminded of Paul:

2 Corinthians 12:7-9

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

I am reminded of God's grace, and Christ's willingness to stand in my gaps and be my strength when I am so very weak.

Whatever you are struggling with today, I hope you are encouraged to know that you are not alone!

Grace & Peace,

God: Our Father & Our Mother

"...how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing."

Matthew 23:37 (NIV) 
Luke 13:34-35 (NIV)

I have been blessed with a loving, caring, God fearing mother.

She read to me, she sang to me, she did crafts with me, she signed me up and took me to dance classes, choir, summer camp, etc. She taught me about Jesus and led me to Christ when I was a young girl. She is my biggest champion, fairy godmother, teacher, and my friend.

I want to honor my mother in this post, and because I love her so deeply, and now that I am a mother and I love my son so deeply, I recognize this day may be heart wrenching for many. And because my love for Christ is growing more and more each day, I wanted to share this message with you:

The God of the universe, who is ALL powerful, Almighty, and Infinite, LONGS to mother us. He is a mighty warrior, and and at the same time tender and sweet.

The full passage of Matthew 23:37 says this:

37 “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing."

When Jesus said this, his talking to the Hippocrates--all of us.

Even though, the people of Jerusalem had turned away from the heart of God, Jesus still longed to mother them, by gathering them like chicks under his wings.
I remember the first time that verse struck me.
I was a freshmen in college and in my journal I wrote: "God wants to love us and comfort us, we just have to let him!" and I drew a silly pictures of a mother hen with her chicks.
I was reminded of this as I have been studying the Psalms over the past month.

The book of Psalms often refers to the refuge of God's wings:

Psalm 17:8

Psalm 36:7

Psalm 57:1

Psalm 61:4

Psalm 63:7

Psalm 91:4 

In the book of Isaiah, God's mothering heart is emphasized more...

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast

    and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
    I will not forget you!"

Isaiah 49:15 (NIV)

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you..."
Isaiah 66:13 (NIV)

Some of you may have experienced the comfort of a loving mother, some of you may have been abandoned, forgotten and hurt by your mother. Some of you may be missing your mother today.

This Mother's Day, I urge you all, earthly mother or not, to take refuge under the wings of our loving God. Remember: though a  mother may abandon her child, and we may forget God, 

He will not forget us! He longs to gather us and comfort us.
Thank you God.

 Happy Mother's Day!

To Know & Be Known

Original Artwork by Me!

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you've probably been hearing a lot about the "Enneagram" personality test lately (sorry, that was kind of harsh--maybe I should have just said, if your not on social media all the time like me!). 

For those of you haven't, the most basic explanation is that it's there are 9 existing different personality types. 

Here is a link to a brief description of each type. If you want to read more in depth about it, read here.

If you want to find out what type you are you can take a free test here.

If you feel like you were mistyped, you can pay to take a more in depth test on the Enneagram Institute.

Also, if you love music and the behind the scenes of a creative podcast, check out The Sleeping At Last Podcast where artist Ryan O'Neal has written a song for each of the Enneagram types and goes in depth behind the "why" for each song. 

I am a type 4: The Individualist

described as "The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental".

Recently, I was listening to the Risen Motherhood podcast while I was giving my son a bath that discussed "why" we humans love to take personality tests.

Later that evening I was contemplating what attribute of God I was going to focus on for the month of March, and I asked God, "What do you want me to know about you?"

And all of the sudden, it hit me:

Why do we like personality tests? Because we want to be known!

Why do we want to be known?

Because we were made in God's image and, get this:

GOD WANTS TO BE KNOWN!!!

>Insert head smack emoji<

I originally started this blog as a result of wanting to be known.
I've always felt like people have put me in a box and underestimated me (read the original explanation of the closet hippo here) and I wanted a platform to share who I am.
God does not like being put in a box and being under estimated either!
There is infinite things to know about God!

God wants me to know him. He already knows me. He wants to be my friend.

I thought to myself, what do I know about God?

What do I struggle to believe about God?

Well the bible says that God is good:

Psalm 34:8 New International Version (NIV)

Taste and see that the Lord is good;

    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

If I'm being honest,

 I quite often struggle to truly believe that God is good.

I kept thinking...

If God is good, then I can pick ANY good adjective and attribute it to God.

Being the type 4 that I am, I thought about my favorite quality that God has gifted me....

God gave me an intense desire to be CREATIVE.

So, I'm taking it back to the beginning and focusing on God the Creator.

Genesis 1:1

"In the beginning God created..."

I'd love for you to join me in my journey of getting to know God.
What's something that you have learned about God recently? Please share!

Happy Saturday!

20 Valentines from God: Affirmations that God Really Loves Us

Do you ever wonder how God feels about you?

The bible says that God is good and he loves us.

My whole life I have struggled to view God as a loving Father.

I can easily view him as an angry God--passionate with righteous indignation.

Or a warrior God fighting for whats right.

I can see Him as an awesome God, who created the heavens and earth...but a loving God?

I struggle to comprehend.

Yet, I believe that I am made in God's image, and this desire I have for people to know that they are loved, yes, that comes from God, because HE LOVES US!!

More than we can comprehend.

His love is vastly wide, long, high and deep for us. (Ephesians 3:18-19)

So I set out to find God's Valentines to us in the Bible, to share during the month of February.

God gifted me with a desire to be creative, so I got my Modpodge, and colored card stock out (thanks to my craft supply hoarding) and made some pretty juvenile looking Valentines to share with you all!

Some of the affirmations have been ingrained in my heart over the years from Sunday school, some of them were honestly things that I hope God feels for us, and maybe one of them was a romcom joke ;) 

I made a long list of all of these affirmations and then set out to find them in the bible.

I found these 20 verses and I am sharing a round up with you here.

1. You are not Forgotten

Isaiah 49:15-16

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion

 on the child she has born? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.

2. You are Mine

Isaiah 43:1 

But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

3. You are Beautiful

Ecclesiastes 3:11 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

He has also set eternity in the human heart...

4. You are Loved

John 3:16 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, 

that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

5. I celebrate you

Luke 15:23-24

Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 

For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; 

he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

6. I choose you

Thessalonians 1:4 

For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you,

7. You are wonderful

Psalm 139:14

...I am fearfully and wonderfully made...

8. You have purpose

Romans 8:28 

And we know that in all things God works for the good 

of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

9. You complete Me

1 John 4:12

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, 

God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

10. I will dry your tears

Revelation 21:3–4 

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 

“Behold, the dwelling of God is with humanity, 

and he will take up residence with them, 

and they will be his people 

and God himself will be with them. 

And he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, 

and death will not exist any longer, 

and mourning or wailing or pain will not exist any longer. 

The former things have passed away.”

11. You are known

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height,

 for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at.

 People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

12. You are forgiven

Psalm 103:12 

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our 

transgressions from us.

13. You are precious

Isaiah 43:4

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you,

nations in exchange for your life.

14. I hope you dance

Jeremiah 31:4

Once again I will rebuild you.

Once again you will take up your tambourines and dance joyfully.

15. You are valuable

Matthew 10:29-31

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? 

Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

16. You are royal

1 Peter 2:9 

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, 

God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him 

who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

17. You are seen

Genesis 16:13 

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:

 “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, 

“I have now seen the One who sees me.”

18. I am always with you

Matthew 28:20

“...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

19. I delight in you

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you,

the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.”

20. You are wanted

Romans 5:8 

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

So I discovered, yes, God does love us, in simple words.

And there is no greater love.

John 15:13